Humor
 
Our little 7 year old grand daughter, Miranda, asked her Grandma,  "Grandma, was Paw Paw the first guy you had a crush on, or did you crush a lot of guys before him?"

For All You Country Folks

I was told the other day that the Department of Agriculture will outlaw these round bails of
hay you see in hay fields on tracks of farm lands.  I asked why?  They replied, "Because the
cows aren't getting a square meal."
 
I was also told that the intellects of this day have finally determined why the chicken crossed
the road.  The chicken was just trying to prove to the possum that it can be done.
 
I heard a preacher say one time that shallow minds are like stagnant pools of tadpoles, turtles, and trash fish.  I guess that accounts for why gossipers talk "trash?"
 
GOOD PSYCHOLOGY
Small minds discuss persons.
Average minds discuss events.
Great minds discuss ideas.
 
ANIMAL SCIENCE
A farmer vows he increased egg production by putting this sign in the henhouse:
"An Egg A Day Keeps Colonel Sanders Away."
 
UNASHAMED
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
                                                                                                              Will Rogers
 
SLANDER
Mud thrown at others is ground lost.
 
REPRIMAND
John:  Did you reprimand your little boy for mimicking me?
Sue:   Yes, I told him to not act like a fool.
  
COFFEE MAKERS
Did you know that it is biblical for the man to make the coffee at your house?
Yes, the Bible says, "He-Brews."
 
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man  +  smart woman  =  Romance
Smart man  +  dumb woman  =  Affair
Dumb man  +  smart woman  =  Marriage
Dumb man  +  dumb woman  =  Pregnancy
 
SHOPPING MATHEMATICS
A man will pay $2 of a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't need.
 
THOUGHTS ON LOVE
A 9 year girl stated that "No one is sure why love happens, but I heard it has something
to do with how you smell.  That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular. "
 
A little 7 year old boy said, "It give me a headache to think about that stuff.  I'm just
a kid.  I don't need that kind of trouble."
 
Someone asked an 8 year old boy what was love.  He said, "I think you're suppose
to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't suppose to be painful."
 
Now this is smart?  A 9 year old girl stated, "Love is like an avalanche where you have
to run for your life."
 
Most of the time we enter marriage with no clue of what it is all about.  When my husband and I were dating twenty-five years ago, no one offered , "Premarital Run-For-Your-Life Seminars" like those offered today.  But even now,  with all the information available, most couples don't take advantage of it.
                                                                                                                                    Excerpt from
"It's A Woman Thang"
By Wanda Talley
 
Group Therapy
Did you hear about those new group-therapy luncheons in town?
They are called "Whining and Dining."
 
Honeymoon
The vacation a man takes before beginning work under a new boss.
 
Hypochondriac
One who enjoys poor health
 
Hypocrite
The man who murdered both his parents and then pleaded for mercy
on the grounds that he was an orphan.                               
Abraham Lincoln